Unlocking Inner Wisdom: Using Tarot for Self-Healing

I haven’t written every day here, but I’ve pulled Tarot cards every day, and it’s been exhausting. Grief is exhausting. I have cried more in the last month than I cried in the last two years. I’ve felt the actual pain in my heart, remembering the words that were spoken to me 30 days ago. How they erased everything that came before them. How they brought down an iron gate between me and what I believed was real. What I thought was ahead of me. Slam. It was pretend. Slam. It’s over. Slam. Now what?

I won’t go into depth on each card, but instead, I’ll give what they helped me to understand as a journey.

I’ve already written about The Star (Reversed) and the Queen of Swords (Reversed). And then came The Tower (Reversed), the Moon, and The High Priestess. Time to be accountable to myself. Stop wallowing in the destruction. Stop fearing the evolution that was to come. Look to something bigger.

And then more! The following week Judgment, The Moon (Reversed), and Temperance. Temperance. The card I pull more than any card in the deck. I am constantly given the Temperance card.

So many Major Arcana cards. Who wouldn’t find it exhausting? How much louder do they need to yell at me?

Temperance. He told me a few times about his strong belief in Temperance. I didn’t see it. I only saw a man prone to hiding and avoiding. But balance doesn’t come from not rocking the boat. Balance is when the seas are stormy, and you can still stand tall and not fall overboard. Another lesson wrapped up in a person I thought I was meant to love and be loved by. Not so. Just an illusion, and the walls came tumbling down. Temperance. Temperance and the Tower. Temperance and Judgement. When all the old ways crumble, it is time to find your balance. It is time to look at what brought you to this place so that you can grow and evolve. I played a role. I turned my back on my intuition in favor of what kept long arms around me. I won’t judge myself, but I’ll judge the actions I took so that I don’t find myself in the same heap twice.

It’s been a lot for me to process. I did a three-card spread to help. The center card being who I think I am, the right card being the conscious mind, and the left being the unconscious mind. This is the three-card spread that Ellen Goldberg talks about in this video: How to do a Three Card Spread

Nine of Cups, Ace of Wands, Knight of Cups Reversed.

Usually, I research each card before I decide what it means. But this jumped out at me, and I didn’t bother. It spoke to me as I pulled each card and placed it down. Ace of Wands - you know you are here. You know who you are. You are fire on fire. You are the Knight of Wands (my signifier card). This is my time. All endings are an opportunity to begin again.

Knight of Cups, reversed. You thought he was your knight in shining armor, but instead, he emptied you. You might have known all along. You did know, but you allowed it. Why? When you have all the love right there. The Nine of Cups. Inside, you know. You’ve always known. You are no different from anyone else. We all deserve to be loved and cherished and cared for. He took plenty. He gave little. You think he left you empty, but that is the lie. Look deeper, and you’ll see. It’s all there.

I woke up yesterday and felt different. I have compassion for myself. I see myself exhausted from all this. From a month of tears and regrets and ruminations and introspections. And the cards told me it’s time to rest. Four of Swords. We aren’t there yet. There is a long road ahead and a lot more work to be done. But take a breath. Let it settle within you so you are ready for the trials in front of you.

I can do this. I am a coal burning and ready to ignite all that touches me. I am fire on fire.